


Piercing Arrow Shattered Heart.

by wickedesthonktraband



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: AU, Abandonment, Abuse, Alternate Universe, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Other, Physical Abuse, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-09
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2020-10-27 08:42:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20757545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wickedesthonktraband/pseuds/wickedesthonktraband
Summary: A happy gem, she's made for this, her diamond teaches that well.





	1. Chapter 1

She wants nothing more than to be her friend.

She is, she knows that. There was no way around it, her and her diamond were only the best of friends this was a fact of life that could not ever be taken away from her. A proud badge of honour to be worn on her person always and forever. Each day is spent together more or less, she would do anything for her diamond. No price would ever be too high, she was made to _ make her happy _ when all was said and done she’d gladly do whatever it took. 

She loved her more than she could possibly bear upon her back like pearls pulling stone through deserts. She is her diamond's, now and always.

She loved Homeworld in all it’s perfection and beauty, of course nothing in all of the universe could compare to their special place. Their garden where they could play until they were sufficiently tired, all they could ever need would be there. She’d never want to leave, not for a hundred years. That said at times Homeworld was the place they had to be, her diamond still had other duties to perform of course. She was a little sad when she couldn’t be with her, though she learned how to move past it. 

Homeworld may not be the garden but it had it’s worth, perhaps most of all it was to be found in the hundreds of potential friends she could make all in her diamonds sector. In her royal court she could make _ endless _ friends, maybe even one day she could be all of Homeworld's bestest friend right after her majestic diamond. If anything it was her diamond who encouraged her to connect with other gems. Reminding her of just how important her skill as a good pal could be, that she should try her very hardest to be a friend. She always seemed so elated when she could send her Spinel out for a few hours, she never saw her grin more than when she told her to go make new friends during their trips to Homeworld.

She never found it hard to talk with any of them, some were warmer than others but she had a way of getting them to start liking her more. Enough time seemed to get even the most distant of them to adjust to playing around with someone so close to their diamond. Days of sugar sweet camaraderie could be found around other gems. 

It’s nothing short of paradise for her. Pearl never seemed as warm to her, but she tried still. She was sure she’d never stop trying to reach out to the distant gem. Not until she got to see her smile because of her too. 

\--

It was simple really.

“So to make sure that you all understand.”

Nothing too complicated. 

“Should you need to, _ please _, feel free to use whatever means necessary to ensure that Spinel is a proper functioning member of our court. She’s happy to take any stress relief you may need as well.”

Simple, really. 

Of course nobody was quite sure what she meant at first, it had been a pretty strange briefing to everyone under her rule. Life went on shortly afterward with little to no one paying attention. How hard could it be to assure that Spinel was a functioning member? Nobody certainly had any trouble with her before, hardly any gem could see why they would now. There were times yes, where one or two gems could find her ever so slightly grating or her clutzy nature to be a small hindrance but rarely was it or her ever any kind of problem.

So no one paid attention, not too much anyway. 

The first to go had been a ruby guard, The evening had been pleasant enough and the ruby had found herself in a lovely conversation with Spinel. Her face turning a light flush as she spoke and joked around with her, their hand brushed over hers and she couldn’t stop smiling. What a lovely gem, the Ruby had been entranced by Spinel and her simplistic happy innocence.

The Ruby was gone an hour later, with no trace of her to be found.

Questions buzzed about, but there were no answers given to sate the curiosity of the gems in the palace yard. Only questions, endless questions that dug and burrowed their way into the mouths and thoughts of gems like botfly maggots. 

It hadn’t stopped there though, every time like clock work a gem would disappear when they were caught interacting with Spinel in the wrong way. 

A Carmelite smiles at her, she’s gone. A pyrite says hello and she’s never seen again. _ The worst of it is when they come back _ , an emerald whispers this to her quartz guard afraid that the walls may be listening to her. ‘ _ It’s like they were just popped out of the Kindergarten or something..’ _ her hands rest on her lap, her quartz looks behind herself as if to try to make sure nobody was near enough to catch wind of the conversation before nodding. ‘ _ Tell me about it.’ _ her voice low she gulps, still unsure if she should continue ‘ _ One of my best gems simply... _ ** _vanished _ ** _ after telling her she was funny.’ _ her fingers pressed into her temples, staring down towards the ground ‘ _ When she came back she just...stopped talking.’ _the atmosphere clenched at their shoulders, neither could help looking behind themselves. Checking to make sure that Spinel wasn’t there.

If gems came back (they didn’t always, that was something that left a tinge of unease on all too many gems minds) they came back different. Like they were replaced with something that looked like them but was simply _ not. _

It keeps on that way until the message becomes clear. Any positive feedback seemed to be what triggered the incidents, Spinel was _ barred _ from anything that would be classified under that. Gem’s caught breaking this rule were taken away in some capacity each time. General Hellos and smiles drop first as they realize the implications of what their glorious diamond requested. 

The whispers don’t ever stop once they’re good and going. Hours of talks in public, covered in thick anxiety and behind walls there are tears shed over gems still gone. Over gems now _ different. _ What could their ineffable leader want? 

What were they supposed to do?

Weeks burn hot and strange, Spinel continues to dance and sing in public. Trying to engage gems who rushed past her or gave quiet grunts of acknowledgement of her existence. Nobody dared get too close to her, she always was reaching out to others though. Every time someone broke-it happens again and the noose tightens more. Rumors get worse, whispers crawl through gem to gem like flies making nest. 

Spinel is blissfully unaware of everything in her world, happy to keep enjoying her time around everyone on Homeworld. However there are days she wonders why nobody will look at her anymore, she doesn’t worry too much though, she never does. She trusts that everything will be alright, her Diamond assures her of that readily. ‘_ It’s natural for them to be adjusting to you, we’re best friends right? They’re just nervous.’ _that’s enough for her to smile and accept. It made sense, she could have fun playing around them still at the very least-sometimes there would even be a chuckle or two when she was having a good time-she always tried to see who did it but they were gone so quickly before she could pick up who had done it.

She still liked hearing it nonetheless. 

She often found herself perplexed about many things that happened around her, she was by nature one supposed an inquisitive creature. Perhaps a natural build in that came with her desire to play, to be a friend. Her diamond, kind and wonderful being that she is would occasionally remind her that life is best spent not poking your nose into everyone's business. That it’s ok to not always know what was going on. Sweet and soothing in her beautiful voice Spinel knew she had to be right, but still there were times she just couldn’t help it.

When her diamond told her to leave the room during court briefings, her mind tiptoed into fantasies about just what she could be talking about all by herself and her Pearl.

When she looked at her Pearl sometimes she thought back to the very first time she saw her, wondering if she had always been the colours that she was now-she remembered her being more in tune with her diamonds colour scheme for some distant reason she wasn’t able to place a finger on. 

When gems start talking to her less she wondered about that too, she pondered if maybe she could try to be more friendly. Or if she should think of a game to play with the silly gems who couldn’t seem to warm up to her lately. She’d never had this much trouble connecting to people before, it only seemed to get worse with passing days. She was still new, or new enough maybe that her diamond’s court wouldn’t always remember her. She thought several years would make people remember you but if you were always around your diamond things might be a little harder when it came to knowing a gem. 

When gems start talking with her more they slide into colder affectations. Little things spoken in passing, she remembers when they used to tell her how funny she was.

_ ‘You’re kinda irritating today, think you could pipe down?’ _

Happily she did, even if her feelings were the littlest bit worse for wear from the interaction. It wasn;t as if they meant to hurt her feelings, nobody ever wanted to be mean to her before. Why would they now? 

‘_ Maybe we’d want to talk to you more if you weren’t so _ ** _loud_ ** _ .’ _

Nothing to be upset over.

‘_ Sure, it’d be great to have you hanging around playing with us while we’re working. Maybe we can even have the diamonds shatter us for fun while we’re at it too?’ _

Just feedback. Honest emotional feedback, nothing to get upset over. She was made to be a friend, sometimes friends have to hear difficult things. Her diamond reminded her of that. 

She wasn’t the only one to notice the difference in how she’s talked to, when gems stopped disappearing entirely there’s a sigh of relief amongst each other. When they don’t come back wrong anymore, they know what they’re allowed to say to Spinel now. It wasn’t too bad, really, Spinel could be frustrating anyway. It was better to talk down to her and let her know that she’s being _ annoying _ instead of having something happen to someone again.

It’s better this way.

\--

There are days where Spinel sits in quiet, looking out into Homeworld beyond the palace walls pondering about life, about how much she earnestly enjoyed being alive and getting to be around other gems. She could get lost for hours thinking about it, about other people and how she wanted to see them happy. Her diamond reminds her how much she’s good for that, how perfect she is for morale for making others feel good, it is after all her purpose. Thoughts such as that would, in times where she was alone, pool together in her mind like a warm summer pond she could bask herself in. 

There are also days where she would find herself increasingly wondering about why things seemed to be just a bit more difficult now, she’d never really had trouble before connecting with gems. Not that she had accepted that there was trouble, nor would she want to either seeing as the idea was a bit much for her to want to grasp onto right. She certainly had brought up the issue in the past but _ always _ reassurance came through from her diamond that anything going on was perfectly fine, with the hint in her speaking like arsenic laced food that if something was wrong it may be Spinel’s own fault. 

She could accept that-it was easy to accept that if something wasn’t right then it must be her fault somehow. They don’t want to juggle? Hide and seek is always a good replacement, or a nice conversation can really get the gears in motion for some. A few jokes and suddenly everybody can play with her again, she just needed to cycle through all her ideas until she found something they liked. If they weren’t having fun it was because she chose the wrong thing, plain and simple. 

The more she tried, gems seemed to be getting more distant with her, as if there were some great wall of division between her and others that she could neither see nor touch. To try and peek over the edge is plausible, however doing so only gave her a sad look out into the lives of others though like a watch guard finding that all their friends have left to play without them. It made her insides twist a little, wishing silently that friendship wasn’t so hard though she knows that it is and that sometimes it meant you had to listen to something hurtful or that you had to put in more effort. 

Trying harder was like grinding iron into stone though, loud and horrible in an atmosphere of a silence that tyrannically demanded _ silence _. Almost threatening something in retaliation if that were broken, Spinel doesn’t notice the impact of her actions in so far as that, she wants only to connect with others again and make them like her more and see them happy most of all. There are words that are spoken that make her hurt inside, actions that make her bite her lip and stop whatever game she was cycling through to see if it worked any better. A machine of perpetual motion where, Spinel tries harder and that distance grows worse.

She just had to keep looking, she’d figure it out eventually, she was certain of that. She’d say or do the right thing and everyone would smile and stop looking so uncomfortable around her then it wouldn’t be as hard. She just had to keep trying.

Just needed to keep trying. 

\--

She always had such a warm aura to her being, Pink did. Like a holy mother, she speaks down her wisdom to the masses. preaching her testament among the faithful “It’s now law that you must abstain from encouraging any behaviour in Spinel that would be ‘too positive’ for her to handle. No feedback that may get her..._ over _stimulated is allowed.”

Her pearl stood by her on the feed, thousands of gems watching as she spoke on the screen. 

“Please feel free to do _ whatever _ you need with Spinel, she can take it.”

Questions that had burrowed deep into gems like parasites burst forth buzzing in the air. ‘_ What did she mean?’ _ There are whispers _ ‘she couldn’t possibly.....’ _ no voice is too loud when speculating on the law. They were sure they’d figured out what she needed already, they’d been careful as a whole to no longer give Spinel positive reinforcement. Some even started to take pleasure in the look on the gem’s face when they were just a little more articulate in expressing their distaste with her. If she was the reason that their friends were affected, it was what she deserved. That much was certain at the _ least. _

Yes, no one breaks the law but nobody knows what to make of it either. How to act it out, what were they supposed to do?

It feels like years pass by in the minutes, breaths held, each gem careful and meticulous in their actions in the time after the law is passed, Homeworld help them when Spinel arrives in tow with her diamond and Pearl the pressure is enough to crack someone. 

She’s singing a tune to herself as she walks about the court (in truth less like walking and more like a dance. Exaggerated in it’s movements and her shoes squeaking merrily with each step and twist.) Smile painted on her face, she supposed it was like any other day . sure there were some nervous gems in the bunch, but like her diamond told her it’s because she’s new, she was sure of that. Doubly sure that with a little play she might even be able to coax a few out of their hidey holes and boy wouldn’t that be fun. She loves the feeling of the wind brushing against her cheeks while dizzily moving about, closing her eyes to soak in the experience as much as was possible.

Then existence crashes into her with an unforgiving thump, jingling as she and the other gem she hit fell to the ground in unison with her. 

“Aw sheesh..” her hand snakes up to her forehead rubbing at the dull throb left there. “I’m _ real _ sorry ‘bout bumping into you like that! Golly, are you ok?”

“Not really, Spinel.” the ice in her voice makes her feel larger and colder than a glacier, Spinel still getting the stars out of her eyes she takes her hand away, squinting, trying to correct her vision and get a grasp on who was speaking to her. Only to be met with, as the static faded from her sight, Pearl of all gems. Pearl! Lovely Pearl, her diamond really did like her Pearl a whole lot. Spinel knew that, hours spent with her trying to befriend her because of it too but..she persists in always seeming so distant with her. Like anytime they’re together she’s not really in the space they’re in. She’s off somewhere else, how rare it is ever that Pearl was actually there with her mentally, when she wasn’t attending to her beautiful diamond of course. (Even then so often she’d come to notice that she seemed far away those times too, where did Pearl go in lazy afternoons and days spent with and without their diamond?)

There is no time like the present to make friends, is there? She’d learned it often enough in the past that sometimes little accidents could lead to new friendships! Maybe lately Homeworld was difficult but she could get over it.

There's a look that comes across Pearl’s features when she’s on her feet again soon finding proper stance and Spinel getting back up-her hands helping push her up off the ground in motion that could only be described as almost serpentine in it’s fluidity-she’s not really sure what to make of it.

Her eyes are narrowed, glinting marbles with blue boats in them. Hands resting at either side of her torso with hands clenched into tight fists. She wonders if maybe Pearl was having fun playing some sort of new game with her-that’d be so much different from how she normally is around their diamond, she’d love to see her smile too.

“If I hurt’cha I promise I didn’t mean to.” she slowly makes her way back onto her feet, hunching forward, then with a comical push of her hands against the ground finding herself standing again. Gloved hands brushing off her clothes. “Oh! Oh if you want we could even spend some time together just you ‘n me to make up for-” in a blur of motion one of those thin hands has a hard push against Spinels chest only barely missing her gem as she went back to the ground beneath them unexpectedly-her back is alight with pain and she looks up at Pearl who stared daggers into her. 

Spinel shifted under her gaze a dull throb haunting her shoulders as she got up in a much less colourful way, hands placed on one of her knees as she placed herself back onto her feet and pushed up. Maybe Pearl had made a mistake, everyone did sometimes and she could forgive her for that. Gems seemed to not be as friendly with her lately maybe she was stressed out because of it and..

“I don’t want to have a single thing to do with you, Spinel.” her hand has retreated to her hip as she watched Spinel who in return responded “_ Huh? _” she must have misheard her somehow. She couldn’t really be saying what she thought she did.

“I _ said. _ I don’t want anything to do with you.” she repeats it and a lump begins to form in her throat as Pearl spoke, maybe she was joking. There’s a sensation of something all through her back that wasn’t the pain already there, something new. Like someone had covered her skin in water that’d been frozen over under a scorching sun. “Pearl I..I’m sorry if I..I didn’t mean to make you upset…” she trails off, wondering why it felt so hard to speak now. She could move past this.

  
“I don’t **care** that you’re sorry, Spinel!” she hisses it out at her, venomous like cobra spittle. “I don’t care about anything you have to say.” she takes a step forward, hand back out into the space between the two and forming a fist, save for one long finger that pressed itself harshly into her chest. “You’re so...annoying! All you do is have fun all day at the expense of the hard work of other gems. You constantly harass people trying to get them to play with you” she leans in, one foot stepping outward with Spinel moving back like a strange dance. She wished this horrible feeling would go away. That heat and cold covering her upper back and shoulders, the terrible lump in her throat like she swallowed gem shards. 

There’s a gem who comes in watching awed as Pearl swooped in on her, then another. Until there’s an entire crowd around them in the palace yard, an audience for the decadently hateful display. She seemed inspired now they had gems to impress. 

Pearl wasn’t quite screaming, but she wasn’t quiet either not by a long shot. She’s only an octave away from screeching at her, loud. Spinel’s never really been talked to like this before, she wonders if everyone felt like she did now when someone got mad at you like this for messing up. 

“It’s _ annoying _ Spinel. _ You _ are annoying. You’re a clumsy mess who can’t keep her nose out of trouble long enough not to ruin someone else's day, _ like mine.” _That finger in deeper, making Spinel stumble back. She can feel herself sinking through her chest into somewhere far deep. The inside of her nose tickles and there’s a pressure behind her eyes, she takes up a hand to rub her arm . it’s funny that something that didn’t need to breathe would feel like she was having so much trouble doing it now, isn’t it? 

“Pearl I’m sorry I…” Her throat clenches, voice cracking miserably as she tried to talk “I didn’t-_ Please _ don’t be mad at me.” helping nothing _ Pearl’s finger jabs hard against Spinel again. _ she‘s barely able to keep on her feet. “Sorry isn’t good enough Spinel, why don’t you try harder?” she pushes again “why don’t you just _ shut up.” _

Her thoughts are racing past her trying desperately to cling onto a thread that made sense _ why were they so mad? Why doesn’t anyone like her anymore? _ Her breaths find no solace in her chest. 

Then someone else speaks up in the crowd surrounding her, causing Spinel to whip her head in their direction her eyes widening at their revelation. “_ You’re really just...the worst. All you do is bother me whenever you’re around, she’s right you know.” _she could swear her gem was twisting inside.

“I thought..I thought we were having fun.” tears stream down her cheeks warm, salting her face as her lip fell lower. 

Someone else steps up closer

“_ You’re constantly clinging onto other gems like you have no life of your own. Can’t you just leave everyone alone?’ _

Failing to think of a proper response to the comment, all that seems to come out of her throat were choked mumblings.She’s never had this much trouble talking before, if this was a game she hopes very much that they can stop playing soon. She didn’t like it. 

she thinks Pearl is smiling now but she has trouble focusing on her as the others start slowly moving in on her too.

_ “What’s wrong? Don’t have anything to say now?” _

Someone’s laughing, she can’t seem to move no matter how hard she tries, every inch of her physical form feels like it’s covered in cement. The laughing is bitter and ugly, nothing like what she wanted to make others do. Nothing like the kind she heard from her perfect diamond. Laughing wasn’t supposed to make you cry, was it? 

“_ Still wanna be our friend?” _

More than anything she wants to be a friend, it’s all she ever wants. There is hope, with that sentence that she could make up for it and show them just how badly she wanted to be their friend. It takes every last ounce of her will to do it (she wished that she could stop hiccuping long enough to talk again, that her chest would stop pounding.), she bobs her head half smile forming on her face.

There are hands on her, Pearl’s is gone and away from the rest, stepping back as they pile towards Spinel who can feel her shirt being pulled forward. Hope leaves her chest all at once, filling it up with cold terror and terrible awful clenching inside. 

It starts faster than she can comprehend but there’s a sudden flash of motion and her cheek feels as if it’s been hit by a sack of bricks, swelling horrendously from the impact made to it. Making out who’s doing what is harder than one would expect, so many gems and so much movement. Hands (they must be hands, she’s sure of that.) surround the gem entirely. She tries to slither out of it but can’t, something pulls onto her shoulders painfully (_ she’d swear she could poof from the pain of that alone.) _making sure that she can’t leave. 

Oh by the love of the diamonds-_ her diamond _ she wishes that she was anywhere else right now. 

“_ You’re worthless.” _ something warm hits against the self same cheek that had burning fire inside of it now, causing her to wince audibly and cling in on herself, hands doing their best to cover up her head in self defense. “ _ You only ever bother other people, it’d be so much easier if you were just gone. You’re just so selfish.” _the sting of the words hurt worse than anything they could do to her body.

There is fire in her leg, a twisting that threatened to come off all together with just the right amount of force. She’s not on her feet anymore. Her back throbs again in agony, the whole world is closed in on her and she can’t seem to focus on a single face in front of her. She keeps hearing them talk and laugh.

She doesn’t understand why it’s so funny, maybe she just wasn’t good enough to understand the joke. 

Grabbing, _twisting,_ **pulling**. Pain runs through her like an old friend dancing through fields of wheat, horror holds it’s hand happily playing with it inside of her. Homeworld seemed so inordinarily small, did it still exist outside the cacophony of faces around her and hands.( _Painful hands.)_ Her face is soaked with tears, with a sharp inhale she contorts her body inward hands weakly grasping around. _“Please don’t!” _when did she start screaming? It sounded distorted over the mix of broken breaths and hiccups, something like snot running down from her nose to her lower lip like a cold slime. “_Please!” _her voice breaks, she can feel it heavy against her gem. As if the weight of the whole galaxy was being pressed into the core of her being, her body shaking like tectonic plates crashing together. 

She can feel it bend under the weight, how long has this gem been on her? 

The heel grinds deeper into it.

She’s certain it’s going to snap when it begins to bend a little more pain racking her white hot all over, a portion of her mind wishing she would poof away to escape. 

_ It hurts so bad. _

The pressure is gone no longer feeling like she’s going to crack and splinter away into nothing but little tiny _shards._ The rushing in her head is too loud to understand what’s being said when she hears someone talking but she knows that voice, she knows it from a thousand miles away as much as she does ten feet away in the crowd of gems who looked all too nervous. _Her saviour, her diamond_ _is there. _Relief floods over her and she smiles, hands dissispate to their collective sides no longer holding her to the ground like a butterfly with pins in it’s wings. 

“What’s going on?” there’s a pout on her diamond’s lips, a hand pressed to her hip as the crowd parted to give her a direct line of sight to Spinel who laid crumpled on the ground besides what felt like every gem in her court. 

“_ Please” _it croaks out from her, she wished she hadn’t been so ugly sounding as that but she couldn’t help it. Her throat was less a throat anymore than it was a thinned steam whistle full of glass. Pink raises a brow, before knitting the two together and shaking her head in bitter disappointment.” This is ridiculous, you should all be working and not wasting time like this. Can we please get back to business before any more time is lost?” she sighs heavy, her hand making a swift waving motion in the air watching as the gems slowly left from Spinel and emptied out of the court yard. 

Spinel feels herself lifting up out of the thick mud of despair as her saviour waved away the gems who’d assaulted her, if her mind hadn’t been so clouded by the dense fog of pain both emotional and physical she’d have taken note of the fact that her Pearl had been waiting distant, a lurking vulture. Pink waits until each gem is well and truly gone _ save for her Spinel and her Pearl. _ Then making herself come quickly to the miserable little lump of a gem who had propped herself up just enough to be sitting with her right hand placed firm on the ground for support. 

“I didn’t...” Pink kneels to her, taking a finger and wiping away a tear in the gems eye. “Are you ok, Spinel?.” she whispers with the care of kid skin gloves in her tone, Spinel tries her best to hold on to be strong and not cry anymore but she isn’t able to. Everything floods over her all at once like a crashing tide against beach shores, dragging her down into depths unknown as tears continue to pool down to her lower jaw before falling away. unable to stop sobbing no matter how much she had wanted to. 

Its not her but her diamond in all her kindness who initiates the hug, her graceful arms wrapped around her only causing the gem to cry more. Her hands snaking around Pink and pulling herself closer to her desperate for any loving touch to be had at all. 

She notes just how warm being in her diamonds embrace was, how much comfort could be sought in her loving embrace she’d so readily gave her. She didn’t deserve it, she knew not by a long shot would she ever deserve it but she was given it out of the kindness of her diamonds gem. She buries her face deep into her chest, soaking it in the process of her weeping. 

Her hand is large against the back of her head, trailing down it rhythmically like a master may stroke their pet. Her voice low she speaks to her again, no one but the two and their Pearl who stood a few feet away loyally are around. “It’s ok..you’re gonna be ok, I promise.” 

Her lips find their ends pulling upwards on the corners of her face, looking out into the open beyond Spinel as she held her there. Feeling like she was the only gem in the world that mattered to her. To her poor, pitifully annoying ‘best friend’ she had never asked for but was given just the same. 

She’s thrilled, hearing her cry like this and feeling the way that she did, she just couldn’t stop smiling. It felt good to see her take what she deserved, she’ll get over it eventually and she can help her in the process too. She could hardly wait to see what her court would think of next. 

Spinel had found her true purpose.


	2. Chapter 2

She wasn’t sure how long she had been sitting there afterwards, she just remembers how warm her tears felt and how loving the kiss of her diamonds fingers against her battered body was. 

At a certain point you can begin to forget whether you’re crying because your body hurts or because your head hurts.

Hands belonging to her best friend brought her down from a high place of distress back into the cool ground of homeworld, a gentle goddess stringing her fingers into her hair she could feel her sobs break into more steady breaths. 

“Why were they all so mad?” she whispers it more than she speaks it, she’s talking to herself more than asking Pink Diamond. Cold sniffling between remnants of warm tears soaking into her leader as she’d buried her head into her. Her Diamond says nothing but responds all the same, rubbing circles into the back of her head as the gem grabbed at the Diamond’s skirt. 

“Shh..” her hand leaves the back of Spinel’s head trailing down to her lower back, massaging into it. “You’re fine, I promise.” 

Her bruises hurt so bad. 

“It’s not that bad, really.”

The Diamond’s voice is a gentle lull, soothing. 

Her bruises hurt.

  
  
  
  


And a day passes like that, just so easily. Nothing major to fall out from any of it, maybe a little bit longer than it would have been regularly but it had been a big day. Little more sore for wear but nothing she couldn’t move past not at all. 

but..

There’s something in the air she can’t quite figure out the taste of, she notices it the way someone notices the fringe of a memory surfacing when they’re absorbed in another task. It’s new but the sensation of it, whatever it was, tickled her insides as if she were full of slimey kyanite worms.

Perhaps it had been something in the way that they seemed to have stared at her, yes, like they had been mad. Of course they couldn’t be mad oh no not at all. Silly Spinel had known that, sometimes people get stressed and when you're someone as goofy as her you could easily misinterpret the signs of that. But she still noticed it, right? 

She had caught little side glances stolen from soldiers and guards more than anyone else, their eyes fixed on her and waiting. Trying to play with them didn’t make things like that any better, they always left no matter what she did. Important gems, she supposed, must have important things to do lately and couldn’t play with her. When the soldiers stare at her today she smiles, because she always does. When she moves they watch, not taking off their eyes for a second at any point as if afraid she might vanish from their view if they did. Spinel smiles at the soldiers when she comes, she smiles when she leaves. 

They don’t smile back. 

  
  
  
  
A little bit uneasy now, but nothing she couldn’t fix. Sometimes people got upset, but when you’re built quite literally shaped like a friend then you are supposed to be the person who can fix problems. Or, maybe the person who can make problems feel a little less like problems. She’d always been good at making the bad times go away for her best friend, she could do it for her best friend’s whole court too. 

The sound of bells follows her, an airy and sweet noise like days spent in her very special place with Pink Diamond, thinking was hard work. Hard work of course was always meant to thereafter be followed by play, any gem worth their minerals would know that much. Sometimes though, you could combine the two and golly wasn’t that fun. 

She loved the way her feet jingled with each fall back to the ground, if she was a little bit more careful about how lost in dancing she might…

The sound of bells stop, both of her feet planted firmly into the ground beneath her. Heat settled into her arms and back and left the gem wondering if they had been feeling that way the whole time. “_ Explorin’ could be fun too…” _ she’d said to the air, the sound of bells picks up with the gem moving again with careful deliberate steps. 

  
  
She thinks the ship is a nice place, for the most part anyway. Nothing like some of her other favourite places to be, but a good place all the same. Any place was a good place when you had your friends around. That didn’t stop her from wishing it was a little less quiet. She imagines what it would be like to be a best friend to the whole universe, so many different friends to make and so much time too. The ship was a big place, full of familiar faces. Passing a ruby guard stationed near an entrance she waves to her, only being returned with a flick of her hand gesturing to turn to the left and pass along.

Rubies were a busy lot, she can’t blame her for that. Not like she doesn’t want to talk to her-just busy. Maybe she could help open up the sour puss to a good game later or..

Her left foot trips against the right and she almost falls flat onto her face in the process, trying to stabilize she moves backwards hands rotating in a circle landing back on the left, the right, tilting back then forward before she finally it set into one place again and everything around her seems like it’s spinning endlessly. When she’d seen her she wanted to make sure she didn’t mess up this time. 

It’s a dull warmth that comes over her shoulders when she sees her, before giving way to prickling over her arms and the corners of her mouth turning upwards into better feelings.

  
  
  
  


“Hiya Pearl!”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Spinel I don’t mean to be rude but… don’t you have better places to be?” The gem moves her hands swift and delicate, being a Pearl isn’t an easy thing but she’s good at it. It helps to be in the employ as someone as wonderful as Pink Diamond. You do what you have to do and you do it with a smile, especially when it comes to the people that you love. 

“Nope!” She smiles.

Pearl sighs, rolling her eyes as she picks up another piece of trash-_ did the soldiers have to make such a mess everywhere? _ She wished they were a little bit more careful about how they affected people around them, terrible thing leaving all this garbage here for her to have to deal with. 

Pearl’s are excellent at holding things though, she makes light work of each thing she grabs and stashes it away inside her gem. She could keep all this refuse in her gem for now, until she found a better way to get it out. 

“Y’think you want any help? We could make clean up a whole lot more fun and get it done super duper fast if we try-Oh maybe we can make it into a game too! We cou-”

“Spinel I’d rather you don't.” Short, to the point. Pearl does her part well. “Besides aren’t you a little bit ashamed that you don’t feel like this is fun already? Don’t you like helping your Diamond?” Pearl watched from the corner of her eye catching as the other gem slumped her shoulders, casting her gaze away from the direction of the Pearl. 

The quiet between the two is long and vast like an unending canyon and both parties were separated by the divide, somewhere in it Spinel finds the words in her again. You just had to keep trying sometimes, her face is softer but it lights up all the same. 

Pearl smiles too, but it feels different and the gem can’t quite place why. “Well um…” she pauses, biting her lower lip before letting her words dance off her tongue. “It’s fun, _ really!” _

“But?”

“No butts, we sit on those silly” she giggles, Pearl does not. Her eyes roll again and Spinel feels something twist in her as she looked back down. “But I thought we could have more fun if we did it together-” 

Pearl raises up her hand to stop her, before pulling her two fingers to the bridge of her nose and taking a deep exhale. Closing her eyes she breathes in, when her eyes open again taking a piece of trash and poofing it away into her gem.

“Spinel you aren’t funny.” the words drift from her lip like a pale ghost in moonlight, Spinel feels her mouth forming the word ‘_ what’ _ but it fails to come out loud enough for her to even hear it. Maybe she hadn't said anything at all. “You need to learn when to shut _ up _. Do you understand?” Her finger collides into Spinels chest memories of events prior weeding through her mind, for such a big place it seems so claustrophobic now. 

“I just thought..”

“That's the problem Spinel, Now why don't you leave cleaning to _ me _ and you can go make yourself useful somewhere else.” 

There's that heat again, gripping at her shoulders tightly and running through her face. She turns herself away from Pearl, tears stinging at her eyes exiting the room. The only thing following her as she moved down the hall was the sound of bells from her foot falls, the ship is quiet and Spinel can’t stop crying.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“I don’t know _ ‘nuthin _ about _ ‘nuthin _.” the ruby guard states it simple, arms crossed standing vigilant and waiting inside a long pink hallway of the palace. “Come on..”one of the soldiers spoke up, her hand racking through large curls set in her hair looking down at the gem. 

“You gotta have _ some _ idea.” her eyes widen and she’s smiling, like she’d been told a joke. A real form buster even, none of it was remotely funny and had someone even suggested it happily she and the other quartzes would do their very best to ensure that they wound up a very pretty shard. “Step off soldier! I said I don’t know _ ‘nuthin _ why the heck would I know anymore than you do? Sheesh..”

The interjection comes quicker than lightning crackling out of a broken geode and twice as thunderous, the soldiers immediate next to her can only watch when she speaks.“Oh _ come _ ** _ on._ **” The soldiers watch on, the closest to her reached out a hand towards the other. In one quick motion that hand reached out is met with a stinging crack at the others palm hitting it away from her.

She takes a step forward, her teeth baring not in display of belligerence but in something closer to an animal with its leg caught in a bear trap. Inner corners of her brows slanting upwards and prominent creases forming on her forehead as she spoke “You’re posted here constantly and you’re telling us you don’t..” the quartz speaking let her voice fall quiet, the others looking at one another anxiously when she dared to speak again. Her eyes moist, like two large gleaming marbles set into her form subsequently sprayed over with water.

“You don’t know what happened to _ any _ of them? Not even..” The ruby hadn’t looked any more comfortable than the others had, she cringed holding up her hand palm facing out towards the small group. She exhales softly, casting her gaze away from the group “I said _ no _ guys.” that hand of hers slid back down, rubbing into the crook of her left arm. “I don’t.” 

“It’s not like I try to listen to everything she might be talking about.” her hand falls away, only to lift back into the air again as she spoke. Palm open to the sky her fingers pointing downwards as if offering something in her empty hand. “I follow post orders- Keep watch, Get back-up if I gotta.” she stops, her hand falling back down 

No one says anything, the ephemeral dance of quietude takes place as a devilish partner between each and all gems there. “Please just..” Her voice hits against the walls, the silence makes itself known more with the gift of her last few words. “_ Leave me alone.” _

  
  


It could be so quiet.


End file.
